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Nilai cintaku...

* You know who you are...

Abah, Emak, Paul, Restoren Milano di Dun Laoghaire dan Revolutionary Road

Hujung minggu ini tiada apa yang istimewa aku rasakan. Cuma ada rakan-rakan terdekat yang tidak sabar menunggu kehadiran Hari Kekasih pada hari ini. Pada aku, Hari Kekasih ini adalah bagaikan hari-hari biasa yang lain. Mungkin kerana aku sendiri tidak menyambutnya. Ada pula sepupu aku mengatakan, "Bagi aku, setiap hari adalah hari kekasih!".

+ Hujung minggu ni, entah kenapa, aku terlalu rindukan abah. Selalunya kalau aku ada di kampung, kalau tiada apa-apa aktibiti lepas Asar dan sebelum Maghrib, aku akan ajak abah ke Kuala Pilah untuk teh tarik - cuma kami berdua, ke kedai kopi yang sama iaitu Aziz Cafe. Tiada gangguan. Kami berbual kosong sambil menikmati roti canai dan teh tarik. Dan semasa Ramadhan pula, abah menggemari Kuey Teow goreng dari pasar Ramadhan di Kuala Pilah. Dan satu perkara yang aku rindukan adalah, ucapan "terima kasih" Abah setiap kali akan turun daripada kereta aku, selepas sampai ke rumah. Ucapan terima kasih itu tidak pernah lekang dari bibirnya. Dia pernah kata - Abah ucap terima kasih sebab dapat tumpang rezeki anak-anak...

+ ...dan juga Mak, aku rindukan Mak juga. Tapi Mak telefon beberapa kali minggu ni, tak tau kenapa. Tapi dia kata - saja nak berbual dengan Zul (sebenarnya dia hendak beritahu yang dia "sibuk" dengan kehadiran cucu-cucu barunya!). Setiap kali Aidilfitri, semasa bersalam dengan Mak, skrip Mak tak pernah berubah "Tak ado doso kau kek omak, omak dah ampunkan doso anak-anak omak lopeh omak solat!" Di dalam gambar ini, Mak tengah bersalaman dengan "blue-eyed boy" dia, si Nazrol! Aku pernah menyakat Mak, "Kalau omak dah maafkan kito somo lopeh solat, tak porlu la bomaafan di pagi ghayo ni!" Mak akan tersenyum aje.

Lockz, kawan rapat aku di sini berada di Amsterdam sekarang untuk menyambut Hari Kekasih (aku begitu gembira kerana ini kali pertama dia menyambutnya dengan seseorang), dan Luke pula mengadakan majlis makan malam bersama-sama teman di Brussels, yang dihiasi dengan pertukaran hadiah dan lain-lain (sudah pasti banyak gambar yang bakal kita lihat di blognya). Alangkah bagusnya kalau aku dapat bersama, tetapi semua tiket kapal terbang agak mahal kerana syarikat penerbangan tahu yang ramai akan beterbangan hujung minggu ini - bayangkan tiket semahal Eur300!

+ Lawatan ke Malahide Castle sehari sebelum Ramadhan tahun lepas. Sungguh menyeronokkan.

Sekarang – Sabtu malam, 7.00 pm – Aku sedang menantikan Paul untuk datang dari pusat bandar ke Dun Laoghaire. Aku sudah lama tidak bertemu dengan dia, dan dia ingin mendapatkan pandangan aku perihal skrip dia bertajuk "Passenger". Aku sudah habis membaca skrip dia semasa aku di dalam penerbangan ke Bristol, UK pada 24/01. Aku perlu memasak untuk dia, akan tetapi aku tidak punyai kudrat untuk memasak. Sudah lebih dari seminggu dapur aku tidak berasap.

+ Antara juadah puasa yang aku suka - cucur pisang. Aku suka juga Buah Melaka.

Untuk 2-3 hari lepas, aku menghidap demam lagi. Sudah 3 kali aku meghidap demam sejak musim sejuk kali ini – 2 yang terakhir ini agak menyeksakan. Aku tidak tahu mengapa. Kali ini begitu mudah untuk aku mendapatnya. Aku semakin bingung. Mula-mula, aku mendapat batuk yang agak gatal sehinggakan aku tidak dapat berada di pejabat semalam. Malam tadi, hidung pula tersumbat. Macam-macam. Hari ini, badan semakin sakit dan aku muntah di dalam bilik mandi. Yang menghairankan aku, apabila aku muntah tiada apa-apa yang terkeluar - cuma sedikit kesan darah, mungkin tekak aku tercalar. Tiada sisa makanan keluar - baru aku sedar, aku tidak makan sejak dari petang semalam! Aku terlalu lemah, aku rasa. (Aku bagaikan sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga, kerana pada masa yang sama, aku mengalami muscle-spasm di bahagian kiri belakang aku, yang membuatkan aku tidak berapa selesa ketika duduk ataupun berbaring)

+ Lawatan ke Glendalough, Co Wicklow, Ireland - sungguh cantik. Aku boleh pergi seribu kali, dan tidak akan bosan dengan keindahannya!

Nota: Aku menelefon makcik yang sudah aku anggap sebagai ibuku juga di Malaysia – mendengar suara aku, dia tangkas bertanya "Zul demam ke? Kasihan Zul". Mendengar batuk aku yang kencang, makcik segera memberi satu petua untuk meredakan batuk kerana dia amalkan petua yang sama; perahkan air limau dan masukan 2 camca teh 'tochu' (kicap) ke dalamnya. Dan, selepas itu letakkan sedikit demi sedikit ke atas lidah (bukan dihabiskan pada masa yang sama) - buat sehingga perahan tadi dihabiskan. Itu yang aku lakukan hari ini. Insya Allah ada redanya nanti.

Aku harap, aku akan sihat secepat mungkin – dari segi fizikal dan mental. Aku sudah mulakan projek baru yang aku rasakan aku mampu lakukannya. Aku tidak tau di mana silapnya di dalam diri aku, projek ini belum ke mana. Aku belum mulakannya lagi. Aku semakin risau kerana aku diberi 3 minggu sedangkan 1 minggu sudah berlalu dan tiada apa yang sudah boleh dinamakan "progress". Tiada apa yang aku boleh salahkan. Cuma diri aku sahaja yang mampu mengubahnya. Aku akan cuba Isnin ini. Mahu atau tidak, aku perlu. Sakit atau tidak, aku perlu lakukan sesuatu. Tenang atau tidak keadaan sekeliling aku, aku perlu lakukan kerja aku ini.

+ Lawatan ke York, UK tahun lepas (2008). Lawatan ini bermakna kerana, sejak tahun 1991 lagi aku ingin melawat York, tidak pernah kesampaian. Sungguh cantik bandar ini.

Nota: Aku makan malam dengan Paul di Restoren Milano, Dun Laoghaire yang baru dibuka beberapa hari, ini kerana aku begitu lemah untuk memasak. Aku cuma makan Bruschetta sahaja sebab dah kenyang makan pisang dan muffin sebelum keluar dari rumah - dan selera aku agak kurang. Yang menariknya, ramai pasangan makan malam bersama sempena Hari Kekasih, akan tetapi, kami bercerita tentang "Revolutionary Road" dengan hebatnya – apa yang tersirat, dan tersurat di dalam filem itu.

+ Menikmati minum petang di persisir air di bandar Stockholm pada tahun 2007. Ingat lagi kecantikan Stockholm, Sweden yang penuh air itu. Tapi sekarang ini terlalu sejuk untuk ke negara Nordic. Teringat aku semasa kami menyaksikan perbarisan berkuda di persekitaran istana di Stockholm. Di dalam gambar ini, aku masih memakai kacamata - sebelum aku menjalankan prosedur Lasik.

Paul, yang ingin mencipta nama di dalam bidang perfileman, dan aku setuju, di dalam konteks filem itu, walaupun sesebuah hubungan itu mengalami kekusutan tidak semestinya ia tidak boleh diselesaikan. Ini kerana wujudnya sebuah hubungan kerana adanya dua jiwa yang menyayangi satu sama lain pada mulanya. Dan dua jiwa ini juga punya kuasa untuk meneruskan hubungan ini kerana ia terbina atas dasar sayang sedari awalnya. Dan tiada punca lain yang mampu memusnahkannya melainkan salah seorang dari dua jiwa itu sendiri. Panjang lebar kami huraikan Revolutionary Road. Kami tidak hiraukan ayat-ayat cinta yang menari di dalam restoren itu.

Oh setakat ini, jam 11.00 pm 14/02, petua untuk menghilangkan batuk itu agak berkesan. Terima kasih makcik, saya ucapkan. Insya-Allah aku akan habiskan seluruh air limau yang aku perah tadi. Aku mengharapkan yang aku akan bertambah sihat esok kerana aku perlu untuk bermain skuasy bersama Xavier dan Barry – kalau kudrat aku membenarkan. Aku hantar Paul pada pukul 10.15 pm untuk mendapatkan Bas 46A untuk ke Donnybrook (berhampiran dengan UCD, medan aku bermain skuasy). Aku pun perlukan udara segar dengan berjalan dari rumah ke tempat menunggu bas, di luar pekarakangan Pusat Membeli Belah Dun Laoghaire. Dalam rintik hujan itu aku atur langkah aku pulang ke rumah.

** Gambar-gambar yang digunakan merupakan gambar-gambar lama yang mungkin telah pernah dipaparkan. Akan tetapi aku selitkan juga, kerana ia menggambarkan mood aku pada hujung minggu ini.

Dinner & discussion on TV with Liam

Liam came for dinner. I served him masak lemak cili api ayam & sayur campur goreng kicap :) We got to talk about many things - and one of the many was TV programs. I think it triggered me to talk about TV in Malaysia. It is also appropriate since I was given access to some photos taken at shooting locations. I guess they they are legit reasons for this entry on the entertainment scene in Malaysia :)

Being away from home, naturally, I have not been in touch with TV programs in Malaysia. From my observation (during my Raya holiday last year), there's a lot more interesting and fresh materials on TV now compared to 10-15 years ago. And there is a slight openness in the subject matters being approached as well. I do not really have to elaborate on that. I guess Malaysia has come a long way.

+ Fresh materials would mean fresh faces as well - as depicted in this photo. I am not sure who this girl is, but I simply adore her sweetness. I am sure there are a lot of fresh faces, I hope this girl won't end up in some sleazy scandals. BTW, I bet QiranaKencana can tell me who these people are!

I guess this is a program/drama that is going to go on air soon. To Malay drama followers - watch this space. Even before this is being shown, I guess this will attract younger crowd to be glued to teley with the new faces on the screen. Then again, faces alone is not enough, there is a need for new approach to the materials as well as creative touch in terms of direction and cinematography.

+ Who doesn't know Farish Aziz (2nd from right), from a TV presenter he has leaped to become a promising actor. I remember seeing him on Astro - 360 or something

+ Another one of Farish Aziz (in the middle) & friends. Wish them well, and we are certain that we won't be bored when it comes to weekend. After all, let's stay inside watching TV a lot more during this economic turmoil ;)

I do not really have much to say on this subject. Perhaps this is not my space. Haha. It is just that I am glad, things are fresh - in terms materials & faces! I have been away for a bit, I do not even know the new faces. All I have is hope and confidence in the new generation of TV in Malaysia. I guess, there is so much that can be done. Slowly the progress is being made. I can't wait to watch more of Malaysian TV if the material is fresh and away from the normal and typical Malay stuff - you know what I mean :)

Back in Bristol (after 12 years!)

On 24th Jan 2009, I was back in University of Bristol & Bristol City for the first time since Jul 1996. It was amazing to be back. No words could describe the experience of placing each step - walking through the old memories, the lanes, those landmarks - they are still fresh in my head, although I have left all these behind 12 years ago!

+ St Micheal's Hill.

+ Kingsdown - Somerfield, provider of my chocolates

I started off early that morning. It was calm and cold - no one to be seen. No students. From the central bus station, I walked up St Micheal's Hill, heading to Kingsdown. Anna used to work at Somerfield. Somerfield was also my source of Snickers and Walkers for my trips to the library. I couldn't imagine how Anna managed to divide her time between Sommersfield and she being a medical student.

+ The Orborne Villa. Was it the left most?

The house – Osborne Villa - what a memory. This is the house that I used to attack on Hari Raya or weekends for that matter. I have never lived in a house with housemates when I was in Bristol - it was always Goldney Hall (more about this later). So, when Raya came, when I just needed that touch of being surrounded by close friends, ‘femily’ and, a real house atmosphere – I headed to Osborne Villa (even it meant skiving classes for the day). The Big Brother housemates were - Anna, Mag, Amy, Nora, Ida & Filia. Have I added one housemate too many? I am sorry if I’ve mixed this up. :)

+ Main library is on the left, and the other is Computer Centre

This is the University Main Library where I adored spending my time studying especially in the 3rd year. I love the small cubicles and I liked to doze off as well. Nothing beats the feeling of getting up after 15 min doze-off in a library. When it came to studying, I had this habit either studying at main library (above), medical school library or law library - simply because I did not want to be disturbed by fellow nerds from Comp Sc dept (they’d ask for past year questions and my notes! I am not kidding). Hence, when they were around, we would end up chatting and getting not much work done. The red building next to the library (on the right) is the Computer Centre - a hub of computers where we could come around and do the assignment or to some (read: Mag) to ‘online chat’, when Internet was spirally diffused :) Oh my god, the word 'Telnet' brings so much memory. I had to 'Telnet' in order to get connected to the Internet server and from there we’d be connected to the rest of the world.

+ The University's new sports centre that I never got to use

This is the new add to the University of Bristol – University Sports Centre. I used to suffer playing volleyball and Squash at the small sports centre on Woodland Rd, but now there is this massive Sports Centre for everyone. It was ready a year after I left, just not my luck really. The same unfortunate fate occurred to me when I left The Leys School, Cambridge - the school sports complex was completed when I left. This reminds me of Ed – a friend and my squash partner who is now living in Indonesia.

+ Queens Building for the engineers and computer scientists. Some of the familiar faces that frequented this building - me, Idham, Akmal, Azlan, Edwin, Hezly

Queens Building - where the Comp Sc. Dept used to be located in alongside with other Engineering departments (it moved to new location i.e. Merchant Venturer Building in 1996). Located next to the medical school, this is the place where for three years I gained the skills and knowledge to program in various languages incl. Jawa. Yes! Oh I so remember the crazy lot, not so nerdy computer scientists that I used to hang around with - Nat (and married to Ko now – how sweet), George, Anne, Tai and Mumin. I remember there was this one morning that we convinced Mumin to skip class to go for a picnic. Mumin was the only one who had a car, and Mumin being Mumin - it was a sin to miss class! :)

+ Queens Library

On that very day, I was allowed to enter the Library in Queens - very interesting. Thanks Diane, the librarian duty on that Saturday. Nothing changed. Except, they allow students to bring food/drinks now. Well, I used to smuggled my foods anyway - always in my bag; Snickers, Oasis Orange Drinks and Walkers.

+ The art gallery that I never noticed when I was in Bristol

+ The Victoria Rooms - I remember taking an exam paper (was it Psychology) in this building

Before heading to Student Union – I had to cross the main road, before Clifton Hill where the Music Dept. (The Victoria Rooms) is. I used this route on daily basis anyway. Across the Victoria Rooms, stands the Royal West of England Academy of Art. I did not even notice this building when I was in Bristol. I bet at that time, my soul didn’t yearn for that cultural stuff. I took the chance to check out the art exhibition in there that was called Drawing Room II.

+ The Student Union - it also houses the swimming pool

The Student Union - there are some great memories here. Especially when I was mandated to coordinate Malaysian Night (if I am not mistaken we labelled it being Gemilang Nite, yes way before Pak Lah stole our tagline), and of course the most talked about Malaysian Night in UK (I won’t tell the reason). It was a must to attend Malaysian Night organised by Bristol Univ. Anyway, we made a lot of profit out of that even. If I can recall, we charged about £10 per person for food and performance. This time around, I bought some T-Shirts from the University Shop. BTW, when it came to Malaysian Night, the post-graduates always had something to say. The night being ‘social’, sinful etc. when the whole spirit was to promote Malaysian culture as well as the food. We used to ignore them.

+ The majestic Goldney Hall main entrance

+ My old room, top floor with the balcony (on the right)

The Goldney Hall (the hall of residence) – when I applied for Bristol Univ, I had to prioritise which college/hall to attend. With no hesitation I put Goldney Hall as No. 1. Goldney attracted me too much. The new cluster of Goldney buildings was not ready when I arrived in 1993. So I had to live at Richmond Terrace. Upon completion, I got my huge room in K-Block. It is huge, with balcony and massive bathroom attached to it. I liked staying in the hall of residence for I did not have to deal with hassles like bills etc. But it also meant that I had less scholarship allowance every month! I think Goldney is the most beautiful of them all :) I also came to learn that Chronicle of Narnia was shot in Goldney Garden. The garden is gazetted as the national heritage of UK and it has a very old grotto in the garden – it can be a bit eerie as I entered the grotto once in summer of 1996.

+ Another majestic landmark Bristol offers - Clifton Suspension Bridge

Clifton Suspension Bridge - is located in Clifton Hill. Yes Bristol is rather hilly – that explains my slim body when I was a student (I think it was more of lack of money to go around for some real nice meals!). I guess that is the reason why I was reduced to bones when I was at Bristol. Clifton Suspension Bridge is a famous bridge and it is really beautiful. I remember going there with Mag, Amy and Anna and Mag and I sledged our way down. I went to every spot of this are when I was in Bristol last weekend. How wonderful. I have never known Bristol is extremely beautiful, and in the summer there is hot-air balloon festival and, this really enhances what already is beautiful. I told my friend Faris to read his PhD here in Bristol, instead he went to Newcastle. Otherwise, he'd have three wonderful years, in this beautiful place.

+ The Browns Restaurant

Browns Restaurant - I guess we, the students then, would spare the trip to Browns for some special occasions. Yeah, the food is nice. The ambiance is great. It is fine dining after all - but as students, we did not have money. So, I could remember that I went to Browns for 4 times throughout my tenure at the University. 1 - With Anna, Amy, Mag, Alfie for lunch, during our final weeks in 1996, 2 - with Alfie, for drinks in the sun (the same summer), 3 - with some of my cohorts to celebrate good food in nerdy way, 4 - with my sponsor who came to visit us (read: To visit UK really at the expense of the co.). After the meeting, Puan B asked - "What are we having for lunch?" Me - "We have booked a table at Browns" Puan B - "Uh, you guys are so unlike our students in Manchester, when we were there last week A and his friends cooked for us!" Me (silently because I still needed the scholarship money to fund my way thro.) - "Do I give a flying ****? You are spending the co's money anyway, so if you want lunch, I am showing you where Browns is. You think I have the time to cook and feed you!" That's how I felt at that time, and I am standing by it till today.

+ The Wills Memorial Building

+ Check out the intricate design on the ceiling

The Wills Memorial Building - this is where Law School is. It is really nice building. The architect - Sir George Oatley was told to "build to last". He produced a design in the Perpendicular Gothic style, to evoke the famous university buildings of Oxford and Cambridge (this is apparently the last gothic building in England). This is also the venue where we had our congregation, or degree ceremonies.

+ The new Merchant Venturer Building

The Merchant Venturer Building – Starting from 1996, this is the new building that houses Comp Sc. dept among others. It is a new place. This is where I received the results, my final results. I was so nervous to walk in and then I saw Didi (Electrical Eng, she just got her result), and she said, upon seeing me entering the building with that nervous look on my face, "Zul, you did well, I mean really well". Alhamdullillah. All I did remember was that I gave it all throughout my university years and I guess all the efforts really seemed to be so worth it.

+ Park Street

Park Street - It's fun to walk down this street on the way to Broadmead (the city centre, the shopping area), from Clifton area. Shopping trips to town were always fun. But, to walk up back to our hall - it was so painful. Normally what we did, we would walk to Broadmead and on the way up we would either take No. 8 or No. 9 bus that would take us to Clifton Hill. It is nice to walk down this street since there are a lot of shops on the left and right. Even there was a club we used to go to. Those were the days.

+ College Green

+ Bristol Cathedral

College Green & Bristol Council Hall - at the end of Park St, there is College Green. This is one of the places that I took for granted. I never stopped when I passed this area. Apparently it is so beautiful. I went into the Bristol Cathedral for the first time (the priest asked me to join the mass, but I was there for the architectural essence of it). That is one thing about being a student – I was selective in terms of what I did. Well, then again there was always financial limitation that governed most of the things that I wanted to do. Now I appreciate it more – things like cathedrals, monuments, galleries, museums etc.

+ Watershed & Arnolfini

Watershed & Arnolfini - the variety of geographical characteristics Bristol can offer is beyond words. Watershed is the area that is surrounded by water - something like Stockholm if you may. It is beautiful indeed. There are some nice restaurants by the water, and there is Arnolfini - the place to watch art-house films. This is where, I was for the first time introduced to the works of Pedro Almadovar, introduced by none other than our cultured Alfie.

+ The main train station - Temple Meads

Temple Meads Train Station – When I was at the University, I would use the train once in a while if there was a need to head to London for a break, or adjacent places like Cardiff. Well, when we are at University, we are considered to have a base already. So, we hardly go down to London except occasional visits to friends' at some other universities. Unlike then time when I was at The Leys, I would kill to leave the school (public school with too many rules), so I would look forward to train station to head to London for a break.

All in all – it was a great trip back to visit the University of Bristol – a trip down the memory lane. One thing for sure – I have never seen the University and Bristol the way I perceived it during that weekend. This place where I spent my formative years in the UK is amazingly beautiful, and it makes it more special when various special memories are buried in her hilly landscape.

Snow in Dun Laoghaire

It snows rather heavily today. That explains the cold cold night I had last night (that led me to stay in rather than at the cinema watching Kate Winslet and Leonardo in Revolutionary Road!).

I love snow, especially when it settles on the ground to give that piercing white coat right after. But I just do not like the idea walking on the icy pavement and how muddy it can get after hundreds or thousands of people have stepped on it. I remember, when I was at The Leys many years ago, I tripped outside the Bursary office after checking out my snail mails before heading out for my X'mas holiday in London - simply because those three little steps were all icy and slippery.

+ The park in front of my flat. The kids are trying to build snowman I guess, but wait, we need a lot more than that!

Today I was close to tripping when I did not realise the steps outside my flat are all icy. I do not plan to wear snow-boots to office. I know it has better grip all that. But I do not have them! They are ugly. I will not wear them. Carlos once told me, "You can't have both Zul - style or practicality. If you choose that one, you will freeze your balls out!" He was commenting on my predicament on choosing Zara Winter Coat once at KLCC, whether the stylish or the one that is great and warm, but sending signals that I live in hospice.

+ Another view on the way to work this morning. It was fast approaching 10.00 AM and I was there snapping away, haha

Anyway, as I am writing this entry - the snow is falling heavily outside. But I am all warm in here. Not too bad. Sometimes it is hard to understand, this country is surrounded by sea. Chances are that impacts the likelihood for snow. However, that is proven otherwise today. I am so waiting for someone to build that one ugly snowman today. I hope there is one to keep me amused.