The Story of A and B

Recently, a friend who has not contacted me for weeks contacted me with updates. Well, it was all about his ex really. Yes about relationship that did not work out that haunts, at least haunts one of the persons involved. My friend (A) and his ex (B) were in the relationship for 4 years and had split recently. Being the stronger half, A has moved on pretty much. Even A handles it well. Contrary to that, his ex, B has not moved on as much as he'd expect!

Although it is not kinda nice to tell the story here, I am sure it can be a lesson for me and us (uh do I have readers out there? Haha...). Well that is not the point. This is my column and I can rant about anything, right? This is my sanctuary.

Apparently, A decided to go out with B out of sympathy. B just broke up with his lover at the time. He was on a rebound, pretty much. After a week of meetings and dinings between the two of them, B decided to duplicate his keys and offered A to come and stay (read: live) with him. A being self-sufficient, having stable job and a nicely decorated house, left everything behind to start this relationship. A had never been in a relationship before. B convinced A that there is NO such relationship when two people live separately (so A had to give in to the B's ideology). So, out of naivety, A moved in with B, literally leaving behind his house and the like.

A number of fights, verbal abuses by B and a few B-chasing-A-out-of-the-flat events later, A could not take it any longer. After a few discussions, they decided to end the relationship. In actuality, it was pretty much A's decision to end the relationship for some apparent reasons. BUT, one of the main reasons was the fact that B's insensitivity towards many things around him and B's tendency to belittle A's family and friends to the core.

However, according to B, "It is OK to make mistakes (read: huge mistakes), as long as there is a simple I-dont-really-mean-it action in seeking forgiveness right afterwards". Well, the thing that is missing from that is; The ability/assurance to not to repeat those mistakes in the future i.e. it is OK to repeat the mistakes. Hence, there were more and more verbal abuses regardless of them aimed at A or A's family or friends. Example of B's ability of belittling people is (in the case of A's family), B would say (with arrogance and no sign of guilt) - "I would not want to go back to your parents' as the house is hot and there is no way in the world I would understand your parents' dialect!". And at the same time, B would not allow A to go back home to see his parents alone since in B's mind A would always want to start an affair with another person!

To cut the story short, A kept to the decision to break up and B could not do anything but asking A to revisit his decision (many many times). This was apprent through letters written, songs dedications via B's website and endless writings of pledges of not leaving B behind. A was away when he made up his mind. It was a blessing in disguise - A had some room to think and put things into perspective. So much so, since there was a lot of rationales in deciding so, it was done after much thought after which, A has looked at the three and a half years spend with B. So it was like poison to be swallowed by B for B never imagined that A would have so much strength to walk out of the relationship that has been nothing but a torture to him!

Time really flew. It was time for A to return to the city where B lives. Since B was making so much fuss about closure, A offered a closure by meeting B. First contact that B made to A, it was more of a self-reassurance that the break-up really took place. To B's surprise, it was for real. Having said that, B put a condition that A needed to sleep over at his flat (that flat where A was thrown out a number of times). A refused instantaneously! B was furious. So there was no meet-up. But over a course of a few weeks, B insinuated closure by meeting up, time and again. A again offered (via SMS) to meet up. In one ocassion they nearly met, but A decided to cancel since B said "I do not mind to meet up today but I have no cash". That was the reason why A decided to cancel, no more free ride! Briefly, A has been giving a lot of cash i.e. financially supporting B throughout the relationship. So they did not meet up in the end. In short, A was there to offer the much-needed closure by B.

A called me up recently that the story has been twisted. He was calm when he told me all these. B has been telling some close friends that A has been sending SMS's to meet him and wanting to return to him. I was appalled to hear that. Knowing A, he is a patient person and more mature than B. There is no need to compare intelligence for it is relative between the two, although many would agree that B tends to be more close-minded despite the urban portrayal of behaviour and attitude.

Recently, I decided to meet A (since it was his turn to treat me for lunch anyway). Not to listen to his story of course, since we have talked about it over the phone. I wanted to have a good perspective of things and it is also my nature not to offer advice unless I am specifically asked for. I have to admit, I admire A. He was so content, patient, composed and high-spirited. He was busy talking about his days in the UK, the friends he had made along the way, his assistance towards a couple who has just opened a new shop-cum-gallery in Ampang, and his latest project; promoting an artiste friend to capture the niche market of corporations. He is busy, in short, or rather he has moved on. He has obviously moved on. I could not help myself from looking at him with absolute admiration towards his patience, determination, strength and drive. He appears to be someone who is stronger. Someone who looks forward to the days to come. The days of assurance that he has made the right decision to walk out of the relationship that has tormented him over the past years. Alas, he has learned so much. Indeed he has moved on and forgiven his ex (B) for whatever he has done in the past and at this present moment.

As for me, there is nothing much I can do. I can offer a great pair of listening ears to A and be the good friend I am (as always), no matter what.