Kami kehilangan Noormi

I wrote this comment on a my dear friend, Rozita's blog - responding to her composition on the same loss I faced years ago. Me and Rozita - we used not to know each other. We used not to know each other's existence. We have got this close owing to Arwah Noormi - our beloved friend, a mutual friend that silently connected us. Noormi was more than just a friend - a friend who never ceased to bring smile to us, a friend with that magical presence. Someone who could just turn a solemn situation into an immediate stir of laughter and beyond.

It has been a decade since she left all of us due to lymph node cancer. She passed away at SJMC. As I said, here is my response to Rozita's writing, and I can't agree more. There are times that I want her to be present. I want her to be present for me to tell her that I do not care about what I am facing as long as she is around next to me. Now that she's gone, but I am grateful that I had the chance to be a part of her life, and I was able to give as much smile to her as much as she did to me and to many others.

Noormi, here are a few lines which are never enough to encapsulate all the colourful experience I have had with you.

I wept when I read this. I did not realise my eyes got all watery and tears rolled down my cheeks.

It was only yesterday the image of Noormi came to my mind when I was describing how she told me story of how Shazz used orange juice to make pancakes! It was when she visited me in UK from US. I told the story to John when I met him over coffee in Dublin yesterday. I started talking about Lent, where according to Christian teaching, there's one week prior to Lent, they need to give up luxury food and down to basic - milk, bread, flour; hence pancakes! That is how - I would remember Noormi everytime the subject of Lent pancake brought up! How funny is that? But the way Noormi told me the story! We had this similarity, where we would laugh before telling and laugter is contagious and we'd burst into laughter only to ask, what are we laughing at? Haha.

Noormi never failed to make me smile/laugh. I remember taking the piss out of her, after she was done with 1st phase of chemo and came to Parkview to pick me up to go to One Utama. We liked One Utama. She warned me that she had started to wear tudung before she arrived at my office. I could clearly remember the tudung she wore that day - it was polka-dots, black and white, fine cloth like a selendang to me, it was stylish, after all, it's Noormi I am talking about... it was her early days with tudung... it was indeed her 1st week. That is so clear in my head... that very day, the tudung, the red Satria, the way she took off her shoes to start driving... I made fun of her... Even the way she turned her head to make sure that she'd be able to get out of the parking space... I could not stop laughing... She was playing along and she knew how nasty I could be when I was taking piss out of her... I was so glad to see her back on track again... She was so immuned to me and me being myself.

I know. I can never get enough of her company. Now looking back... and now, she is not around. All my prayers for her. I know, it is huge loss. I could still remember, that night were at Subang Medical Center, to be with her in those last few minutes, the battle of us to say the final good bye to a very fine friend, a rare individual who managed to make me smile...

I could remember still, the way she sat on my bed in Bristol (at Goldney Hall), the night we were supposed to go to Xmas ball (albeit her tiredness arriving from States on that day), that very night that were were bored dancing on the dance floor (uh I can remember the black dress she wore with traces of gold laces, nicely blended with the black dress), and then out of fun we grabbed the mic and sang away (yes, Noormi I was karaoke-virgin before I knew you, and now I just love singing...), and then we left the karaoke place since our melodious singing had attracted many more to ruin our night. That was fun - we had brilliant time. She just arrived in UK that day really. She chose to stay with me, that was fun. She just broke up with her ex earlier that year or something.

I was in Durham recently, I passed that place. It reminded me of Noormi. She told me stories of visiting Leong in Durham. I must not share the story here, but it was hillarious. Noormi could make me laugh easily.

Oh how can I forget, he asked me to come around to SJMC, when she talked about he chemo. That was after my tennis games. I was there in shorts. You can never imagine how privileged I felt, she said - I don't want other people to see me like this (she was referring to her chemo). I was there till late. She talked bout Dr could not find veins anymore, she was suffering. I had to be strong for her. She talked about how she was not going to be able to have babies for the medicine/drugs were so strong and Dr was not sure how that will turn out given that she got married and have babies. We talked. As much as I was so sad to listen to her stories, I was there listening, praying she'd be strong to stick around and still to be one of my closest and meaningful friends.

As I am writing this, I am sobbing away. I never forget about her. Never. Yes we have moved on but, the memories with her will be here to stay. Yes we have lost a very dear friend, but after the loss, we became such a close friend that we never thought of before.

I guess we won't forget there is always Noormi in this friendship we have now. There's always three of us.

We miss you Noormi! All my prayers for you my dear friend.